i cant believe im at home, alone, on the second day of raya.
but im eternally thankful that the grandma's heart is not failing as reported by the phonecall, saturday night.
it kicked in when i realized i didnt went out of the room while getting ready raya morning and talked to her while moms was on the phone with her.
then the whole whatifs start coming up and i felt that she's going to pass on without me giving her one last kiss.
wrestling with the thoughts of going with the parents but school's starting and i really dont want to have a concrete reason(read: death cert) for not attending the first day of school, the usual bawl to sleep followed suit and i was woken up by the parents leaving for malacca.
im tryna shove the whole im super emo cause i feel very alone when i see families walking clad in their matching outfits while i was standing by the kitchen window.
things happen and for the fact that abah especially didnt ask me to skip school so i can go with them showed me how much they trust their youngest(&only) daughter.
now i really hope i'll get the chance to meet my nenek soon and she's gna hang on for me.
this just brought my issue with death to a whole new level.
i tried to make nice with it, tried to think that it can happen anywhere, anywhen, anyhow, anyage.
but when i can see ageing reflected on their faces, in their eyes, that makes it harder.
so everynight, i ask for one more day.
12:01 AM;
go on, gimme some♥
