aites so sorry for the prom pics link. will be up soon.
i dno how to explain prom
nana just went back ytd after prata-ing wit me and after a 3-day sleepover
i know i was not sucha good host *(sorry)
im just in a daze these few days
anyways, back to prom,
shiseido's complimentary(FREE) makeover was kinda unexpected
i wanted something more au naturale but i ended up getting unmatched purple eyes but nonetheless, i thank them for the gorgeous eyelashes ive always wanted
i was so in love with the curled high up lashes that i refuse to watch my make and got to sleep risking zits popping up my face
so yeah
i guess the pictures that i took will bemy memories of prom but not the event itself
i guess i was silently praying(dreaming actually) that i'd be prom queen, i'd get the zen nano whatever and cuz of that i expected too much
but as i slowly look back at the pictures i took, i was embarassed.
i was too focused on being the IT thing, too focused on how pple will look at me, too focused on how i look to pple, to focused on the dance, blah blah.

i was embarassed because there was so many things that i could appreciate of myself but i didnt cuz i expected too much out of it

ok whatever, the above doesnt make sense at all

just ignore it.

anyways, im turning 16 in less than 5hrs time and im not too enthusiastic bout it. i dno i just feel that something is amiss; something is not right. 7December2005, im just gonna meet the BF for awhile and head home and drown myself in the books i just borrowed. no more, cake cutting, candle blowing celebration tmr. a part of me wants it and another part just looks forward to 17december chalet.

sadly to say, most of the things that happen when im 15 is so insignificant; sick father, losing goodfriends time and time again, keeping a grudge deep inside me towards someone i cant let go, O levels, bad prom, and evrything else that im not ready to face 16. im scared actually. evrything happens too fast, evryone let go too soon. im just scared for 16.

maybe, i really dont wna grow up. was out wit mum to town today and toy fairs attracted me like im a 5 yr old. evrywhere i went i saw strawberry shortcake; the brand mum loves to dress me up with. and even ytd, i saw Mr Pink Panther hanging at watsons. i mean, all these are things that i grew up with. i longed for those days when my god/foster/caretaker mum take turns to feed me and 2 of my childhood sweethearts. i longed for those days when me and childhood sweethearts (syam&fadhil) would fight and start biting each other and then made up in less than 30secs. i miss those days.

sighs sighs sighs

things been rough wit BF's family. i dont wna take too much of his time. his dad needs him more; his family needs him. there'll be 17dec and there will always be many more years ahead to celebrate(insyallah)

so yeah im tired

and i dont wna turn 16 when the clock strucks midnight today.

love*